I think the best way to do it is to let the other person see you naked.
I don’t mean this in the physical sense, but in the emotional-spiritual sense.
As you converse with the other person, talk about your career; then let it go. Talk about your
past; then let it go. Talk about your other relationships; then let those go as well.
Keep talking and connecting without re-hashing the same subjects. Eventually you’ll come
upon a thought that’s uncomfortable for you to explore. This is where you must summon the
courage to delve in and share.
If there’s an end goal here, it’s to reach the point where you feel so safe with each other,
that you can ask absolutely anything and get an emotionally deep and honest answer in
response, no matter how embarrassing the questions may seem or how painful the inner
wounds are. You become completely naked to each other with nothing left to hide.
In practice this involves a bit of a dance. Sometimes you’ll come upon new truths that are
too intense or too difficult to face right away. Sometimes you won’t feel very connected to
your inner truth, so you won’t be sure what to say. When that happens you can back off a bit
and discuss something easier and more mundane for a while, or simply take a break. Then
later when you feel ready, you can return to exploring the deeper levels of yourselves once
again.
As the other person shares herself with you, let her know that she’s unconditionally loved
and accepted by you. Don’t judge her or invalidate her experience. Just keep your heart
open, and quietly observe.
Making yourself vulnerable by sharing truths about yourself in turn makes it easier for the
other person to feel accepted by you because you ’re giving her the chance to accept you
first.
Don’t wait — initiate. When in doubt about who should take the next step to reveal
something deeply personal, you go first. Prove to life, the universe, and your partner that
you ’re willing to take a risk and that you’re willing to trust. Magical things will happen when
you do that.
Emotional risk-taking creates emotional depth. When you open your heart to someone and
share the deepest truths about yourself, and they do the same, you gradually strip away
layers of falsehood and self-deception, aligning yourself with ever deeper truths. Doing this
with someone else creates an amazing sense of connectedness.
It’s a life-changing experience to see another human being as she really is and to allow her
to see the real you — to see your inner beauty and magnificence reflected back to you in the
eyes of another… and to see so much of yourself in her.
You are loved.